if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
