remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
