I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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