i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
