i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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