I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
