i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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