Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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