Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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