Acid is not a monday night drug
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
