Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
