It's Friday. Sex?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
