Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
