Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
