I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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