An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
