I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
