well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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