Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
