Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love you. Go after that dick
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
