she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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