Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
