I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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