fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
