The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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