Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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