At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
