Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
