Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
