I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
