OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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