the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
