I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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