i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
