I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize