When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
