...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
