The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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