I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
