i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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