On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize