we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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