A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dignity is for republicans.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
