Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
