I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
