i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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