Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
