i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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