So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
