ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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