His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
