these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
