Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
