we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
