So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
