Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
even my farts smell like vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
