Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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