Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
