So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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