It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
