either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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