im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
