Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
