It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
