he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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