Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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