since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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