maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
