I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
