it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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