I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
