I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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