; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she peed on how many people?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
