At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
