Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
